I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
