Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
