He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
