Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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