the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drunk is not a location!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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