Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
