Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
being pregnant is like rehab
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
