Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
