I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
