How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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