She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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