what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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