reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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