The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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