The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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