only if we run a train.
done.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
