well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
