1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
