Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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