Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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