Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
