i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
