the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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