tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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