I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
