I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Found your dick twin last night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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