ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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