Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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