I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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