and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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