One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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