On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
