I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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