Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
