I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
