i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
