i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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