Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
