Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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