I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
