No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
