4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
