Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize