oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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