The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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