So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
