Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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