shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
