last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
