So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
