I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
