One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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