The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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