Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
