My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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