Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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