I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just had sex bonerless
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
