my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
