i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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