is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i love accidental penises.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
