glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
