U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
