we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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