its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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