thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
