Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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