It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
