i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
