Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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