apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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