he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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