I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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