put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
