chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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