Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
