The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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